Extinguished Candle
by Fwirl
Summary: She was the one thing he could depend on in this darkest time of need, but was he going to end up losing her forever now? SuzakuXKallen oneshot


**A/N Heehee, I've been wanting to do a Code Geass fic ever since I started watching the series. ^.^**

**I'm writing this oneshot for a contest at The Miscellany forum (check it out, it's awesome!). It has to start with the line "He/she couldn't believe his/her eyes," involve something with wind, and can be no less than 1,000 words and no more than 3,100 at the very most.**

**This'll be after the anime ended, so if you haven't finished it or are planning to watch it, then this isn't a fic you want to read right now because there will be major spoilers. Just sayin'. Now that that is out of the way, I can move onto more important matters. Main point: this is a SuzakuxKallen oneshot. Uuhh…actually, I think that's my only point. So, onto the story!**

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He couldn't believe his eyes.

There she was, standing right in front of him, her head bowed in something like apology, unusual for Kallen. Her short, dark red hair covered her face as she looked down at the ground, refusing to meet Suzaku's eyes. They were alone in his room–no, Zero's room–and he couldn't figure out what Kallen was doing.

"Kallen, what is it?" Suzaku finally asked when neither of them had said anything for a long time. Zero's mask was lying on the table that they stood in front of; Kallen had known from the beginning that Suzaku was really Zero, so he never wore it when they were alone or with others that knew who he really was.

It was one of the rare moments when he could shed the symbol of justice and the weight of the world and just be who he was. Well, who he was before he and Lelouch had decided to make the world a peaceful place was no longer someone he could return to, but it was times like these that he came the closest to being Suzaku Kurugi.

"Suzaku, I…" Kallen hesitated, still not looking at Suzaku, but then lifted her head defiantly to look him straight in the eyes. "I want you to stop being Zero."

Suzaku looked at Kallen with mild astonishment; what was she saying? She knew as well as he did that he couldn't quit being Zero; couldn't quit atoning for his sins, could never quit that. A pain seared through his chest, as sharp as the blade he had used to pierce Lelouch's chest, ending his life like a candle extinguished by the wind.

"Kallen…" Suzaku started, but she cut him off.

"I know you could never show your face to the public again, not after all that happened, but that doesn't mean you have to keep pretending to be Zero," Kallen told him, tears starting at the corners of her eyes. She wiped them away roughly with the back of her hand before they could start running down her cheeks, but she never looked away from Suzaku. "You shouldn't have to suffer like this…"

A long silence stretched out after these words, as deep and undefiable as a canyon. "Kallen," Suzaku whispered. "I took so many lives; this is my punishment, and I'm ready to accept it. If I have to hide behind the mask of Zero for the rest of my life to keep peace and atone for all that I have done, then so be it. Lelouch…" Suzaku's voice cracked and he had to pause before he could go on. "Lelouch and I both knew what we were doing when we decided on this plan for peace."

Kallen bit her lip to stop herself from arguing with him, her hands clenched into fists at her sides. "Then…you won't change your mind on this?" she whispered.

"No," Suzaku murmured. "I'm afraid not."

"What if you would leave it all behind and run away with me?" Kallen asked suddenly, her eyes determined and full of hope. "I would do anything for you; I can't stand to see you unhappy like this."

Suzaku forced himself to place a smile on his face that hid how much he wanted to take her up on that offer. "I'm not unhappy Kallen, not as long as you're by my side," he told her. "As long as I'm with you, I can do this. But I couldn't leave; it would betray Lelouch and the responsibility to keep the peace that he entrusted to me…Even if you left, I could never follow."

The hurt was evident in Kallen's eyes, no matter how badly she wanted to hide it. As Suzaku reached an apologetic hand towards her, she slapped it away and turned to run to the doorway. "Kallen!" Suzaku called after her.

She stopped with her hand resting on the doorknob and turned halfway back to him. The dim light reflected the tears that now freely ran down her face, and Suzaku was suddenly struck by the thought that he had never seen her cry before. They had been through a lot together, hardly ever on the same side.

Suzaku remembered the first time he had fought the Guren, not knowing it was Kallen inside. They had exchanged blows so fierce that they had set his teeth on edge, been in so many life or death situations that he had lost count. Then the next day they would meet at school, Kallen pretending to be a sick, weak girl who was as innocent as someone who had never seen war.

He had always envied Kallen the innocence she had seemingly possessed. What he wouldn't give to never know the horrors of war and the pain and loss that came with it. No, that was a lie; he would've never been able to change the world if he hadn't joined the military.

When Suzaku had found out that Kallen Stadtfeld was really Kallen Kouzuki, he had been surprised, to say the least, but that had only made him secretly admire her even more. Her fierce, never give up attitude could inspire anyone, and her wit was something to be compared to, not quite on Lelouch's level, but not dull by any means.

When was it that Suzaku's admiration had turned into something more, into something lasting that made him happy even in the most desperate situations whenever he thought about Kallen? After Lelouch's death, she was always by his side, supporting him and telling him to never give up, that they could make it through this. Why had she suddenly changed her mind and asked him to run away from it all? Was she tired of sacrificing herself for an empty shell of a person like him?

"Suzaku, if you don't follow me…I won't be coming back," Kallen promised, bringing Suzaku out of his reverie. Suzaku faced her helplessly, his eyes apologetic and full of pain before he forced himself to tear his gaze away from her, possibly for the last time. He heard her choke back her sobs as she pulled open the door and slammed it behind her, her footsteps echoing in the hallways outside of the room. He listened as her presence receded forever out of his life with every step that she took until he could hear no more.

But Suzaku could never follow her; he could never walk the path of freedom that she could, and he refused to hold her back. Kallen had been dragging herself down all of this time for him; she deserved to be happy. If nothing else, he was sure that she could never be content with him. It was time he let her go, so that she could find her own way in life, one that she chose herself.

Suzaku grabbed Zero's helmet from the desk and stared blankly at his reflection in it for a moment before sighing. "What would you do…Lelouch?" he murmured to the helmet, as if hoping for an answer. Sighing again, he thrust the helmet on and turned back to the door. His heart felt like it was starting to fade as he thought about what lay ahead for him; his last hope, his last joy in life had been extinguished like a candle.

It was time to face a new day; a day that marked a life without Kallen.

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**A/N Huh…I hadn't meant to make it so…depressing? Is that the word I'm looking for? Oh well, I still really liked how it turned out. I pretty much just let the story write itself, and before I knew it, I had an ending where Suzaku and Kallen weren't together. :O How did that happen?**


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